Big Buddy News Spring 2011 Editorial

Spring washed over winter this year, refusing to let up on the rain until it reluctantly gave up for the last match of the Rugby World Cup.  What a battle of will and skill that was! I think New Zealand held its collective breath for most of the second half. It was tense and intense but now it’s over and we, the winners, have to quickly turn our minds to another election and get our heads around the not  insignificant  issues  facing us.
Let’s hope we’ll all be winners  in that match as well.

My good friend and mentor, Bruce Mackie, passed away this month and I feel the emptiness of this loss acutely. He left a
large hole in the fabric of things and I am not alone in saying I will miss him terribly. Coming so close on the back of my
father dying was … a bugger.  But, as always, life goes on and knowing two of Bruce’s grandsons have Big Buddies, softens
the blow some. I am also the proud new grandfather of Charlie – a bright new, soft star in the ongoing cycle of life.

I’m also heartened to report the work of Big Buddy continues to go from strength to strength. This year we are on track to make the most matches ever (415 matches all time – 203 currently supported), so more fatherless boys than ever will be helped. This is down to some stellar work from the Big Buddy team – our Coordinators – Martin, Steve, Stephen and Scott – solidly engaged in the front line work; Kim and Jean keeping the financial engine room humming; Jude our fundraiser keeping the engine fuelled and Ruth keeping our stories in the media. We’ve had a couple of great stories in the New Zealand Women’s Weekly, one in the NZ Herald and we’ve been on the telly – all good.

As our story grows, so too does our funding base. The Freemasons are kicking in with donations, reflecting our shared
philosophy that healthy men make for a healthy society. Nivea is also about to kick-start a campaign that Big Buddy will
benefit from – watch out for it and hold onto your beards!

Yes, the Big Buddy waka is steady and strong, sailing into summer with hope and anticipation of great things to come.

Go well friend, Richard

 

Big Buddy News Winter 2011- Editorial

The cold bones of winter  …
Winter’s cold arms embrace us all – from the snowbound silence of the South to wild rhythms of wind and rain up North.
We seek what warmth we may  find,  inside, with each other. We endure  -  find  resilience and prevail.  We know  in our bones
it will pass, spring will come and all will be well. Winter  is such a good  teacher  in  the human story.
My father died 2 weeks ago, I held him as he took his last breath and then let the silence after enfold me, it felt like winter.
Cold, profound yet offering  resilience and hope, we will prevail. Although he was 91 and as  they say,  “had a good  innings”,  I
am now  fatherless,  the  irony of which  is not  lost on me  – considering my passion  to help  fatherless boys.  It’s  funny how  loss can clarify  the mind but  the  loss of my birth  father has brought  into sharp  relief my  “other”  fathers, older men whose abiding care, attention and interest in me could only reasonably be called fathering.   Some are gone and some are living but I
remember them well and love them all.
It explained why the loss was, while profound, not devastating. It deepened my
appreciation of the importance of father figures in a growing boy’s life, in a growing man’s life. Resilience is in many ways
an  inner  journey but  the people who care  for us,  in  the myriad of ways caring happens, are  the ones  that  feed  that knowing in our bones, that all will be well in time. The knowing the sun will shine warm again and the world, as always, awaits our enthusiastic participation.
Within weeks of my father’s death I welcomed the birth of a friend’s daughter’s baby, attended two 21st celebrations and
am looking forward to the birth of my second grandchild this month.   Life carries on in all its ragged, less than perfect
hopeful glory.
My father was a showbiz man and we did his funeral full show biz in a theatre, singing, banjos, jokes, laughter, tears,
ending with a standing ovation.  After everyone had gone my granddaughter (3) got up on stage and started dancing. She
couldn’t help herself, after all  that’s what stages are  for. My brothers and  I  taught her how  to  take a bow  in  the  full  theatrical style of my father. She bowed – we clapped – over and over again. A little bit of spring wrapped it arms around us  all was well in the world.

 

Big Buddy story in the NZ Women’s Weekly 6 Jluy 2011

Great story about Big Buddy in the Women’s Weekly. Big Buddy Robin Johansen & Little Buddy Graham Clark . A lovely story about Robin filling the gap left in Graham’s life after his Dad died when he was 8.  Matched for 4 yrs, Graham, now 16 and a fine, articulate young man, attributes his emotional intelligence & positive outlook in large part to Robin’s steady, wise influence. The two families share celebrations & events. Big Buddy at its best!

 

POCKET BOOK OF MEN’S WISDOM

Take a look at what 38 wise men – many from the Big Buddy community – have to say in the newly-released POCKET BOOK OF MEN’S WISDOM. Brilliant quotes about life compiled by Big Buddy supporter Hannah Samuel and supported by stunning images from Barney Brewster.

Pocket Book of Men’s Wisdom vol 1

 

Big Buddy News Editorial Summer 2011

What a warm summer it’s been. Okay, maybe a little too warm and humid at times but I’m grateful for the long days of sunshine and warmth. Our work at Big Buddy is flourishing in the summer warmth, we are all well back from our holiday breaks and diving into the work. Scott came back to a huge workload in Wellington with 58 guys coming through, that’s over half of all guys coming through nationally!  I don’t know what it is, our radio ads hitting the spot or the air in Wellington, but Big Buddy is rocking in the capital. I will be looking for someone to give Scott a hand; I figure that level of response deserves the best we can muster. More positive news from the capital, our good friends from the Wellington based Todd Foundation have accepted Big Buddy into their special partnership fund. We will receive a very healthy annual donation – committed for 5 years. We are well pleased and it is wonderful to work closely with such enlightened funders as the Todd Foundation who live the true spirit of Philanthropy.

Back in Auckland, Vodafone has awarded Ruth Kerr a ‘World of Difference’ Gem award funding 6 months of her time to do media work for Big Buddy. Ruth comes from a deep background in local media and writing. She will be helping to get our stories into the local papers. Our stories inform people about our work and mission so much more than advertising can do. We have been learning to tell our stories by sharing wee snippets on our Facebook page. Here’s a classic – A Little Buddy lost his father just over a year ago. His match has been going great, but he was worried that it might end, and asked his Big Buddy “How long does this go on for?” Big Buddy replied “Until you are 14, or 24, or 74, I’m not going anywhere.”  – That kind of laid back but serious commitment gets to me every time. In the sometimes challenging environment we work in, it is little gems like this that keep me going, reminding me how privileged we are to be welcoming in so many fine men willing to simply show up with a loyal faithfulness that changes everything.

And this summer heralds an election year.  Its going to be a very interesting election and possibly the most MMP election we have had, with so many possible political combinations.  I expect to be surprised when the politicians finally attempt to piece the jigsaw together and say “here’s your government”. Let’s hope it will be a government that never forgets who it serves and why.  Let’s hope it’s a government that mirrors the loyalty, unquestioning caring and commitment that our Big Buddies show.

Wishing you a warm and wonderful summer.        Go well Friend, Richard

 

 

Big Buddy News Editorial Spring 2010

I write this luxuriating in the warmth of the first really sunny spring day. It’s so welcome after that cold wet winter, a winter best forgotten. Economically we are feeling a little warmer after a fairly tough winter. The outlook is more positive and the promise of solid and stable funding is just around the corner. The Flight Centre asked us to be their main charity partner, and we said ‘yes!’, (see separate article). Our good friends at the Todd Foundation have invited us to become part of their new Partnership Funding Initiative that, all going well, will give us some secure funding for the next 5 years. With that and the generous donations that continue to flow in I am feeling optimistic about the future.

Our facebook page continues to grow with many more supporters joining every week and it is turning out to be a great way for us to continually share our stories. All our Coordinators post “notes from the field” up to our facebook page. Here’s an example; “I met an amazing young fella a couple of days ago. His Dad took off 8 years ago and he hasn’t heard from him since, and his Mum was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. In the face of this he is being strong and supporting the family. Kia kaha Little Buddy.” It was followed by this comment, “This is a privilege and honour. May his Big Buddy be everything and no more than who is needed.” To further get our story out there we are currently working with a TV company producing the Unsung Heroes series on TV1 next year. It will feature volunteers from all areas and of course some of our Big and Little Buddies.

This spring Auckland has a new council and we are very pleased to know Penny Hulse, ex Waitakere deputy mayor, not only won a council seat but was chosen to be deputy mayor as well. Penny has been a great supporter of Big Buddy over the years. She is a fine woman with solid community values – we are well pleased for her and for Auckland.

Spring as always brings with it the promise of renewal and growth. We at Big Buddy are ready and willing to embrace that growth with open arms. Bring on summer!

Go well friend, Richard

 

 

Big Buddy News Winter 2010 Editorial

I am sure winter is coming to an end, I have heard the rumours! Boy, it’s been a cold one, and no doubt it is as it should be, but I think I am a summer person at heart so the promise of spring hinted at by the Tuis and early spring flowers (in the north) is a welcome promise for these cold bones.

We have of course been busy as usual, adapting to change, welcoming two new people on board and farewelling one. This winter our bursar Tony Holloway, left after 4 years with us. We are grateful for all the work he has done in this time and we wish him well. His role has been taken on by two women, Kim Bramwell and Jean Green. Kim has taken responsibility for our accounts work with the able assistance of Jean. They are both lovely people, dedicated and meticulous in their work and it’s a change to hear the sounds of women’s laughter in our head office. Haere mai and welcome to Kim and Jean.

We have another keen supporter helping us on the creative graphics side, Alan Hunt, owner of ‘WOW Creative’ in Titirangi. Alan’s first job was to redesign our logo. The old logo had been working hard since 2003 but was getting tired and needed a bit of a lie down. Alan’s out of the box thinking was a challenge at first but he graciously adapted his first radical idea to what we have today. Alan is onto the next job, redesigning our newspaper ads and perhaps soon our brochure (when you have the time Alan!). Alan and I really clicked. He’s fun to work with and of course very supportive of our work.

The current economic climate still feels like a long winter and many are saying the economic spring recovery will be a long slow one. The impact of this on our work is still with us and while we are holding our own I cannot see any expansion of Big Buddy to other areas for some time yet. We are tightening our belts somewhat to ensure our future stability and of course working hard to broaden our financial base. In my last editorial I mentioned we are looking seriously at developing our screening process as a professional service. We are also looking into other areas of service where our unique skills may be useful and of course attract additional funding.  But of course the cold reality of economics can never trouble us too long – we are warmed constantly by the sheer privilege of working with so many good people and of course being a small part in so many stories of hope.

Our stories really feed our souls and are usually about mentors, boys and mums/caregivers but the other day I got a call that came from another perspective. It was from a just arrived migrant woman who had seen one of our ads. She said “realising what you men did, moved me very much, it inspired me and boosted me, it helped me face into some difficult life challenges by just knowing this sort of work was happening in the world, thank you.” So how about that – just knowing there are men who care and can show that caring in a practical way in the world is an inspiration itself. It warmed my winter cold bones to know that, and lifted my spirits to the promise of spring, warmth and renewal.

Go well friend, Richard

 

Big Buddy News Autumn 2010 Editorial

Autumn comes in all its glory to slake the thirst of a bone dry earth after a long rainless summer. What a summer it’s been! Well not great if you’re a farmer and a challenge for us gardeners but all those hot summer evenings were something else.

We have been busy exploring new ways to communicate to the world. We now have a Face Book page. Joining the social networking space has been interesting and while we are resisting the call of Twitter we thought to at least dip our toes in the digital ocean a little more and see what comes of it. I have already learnt my first lesson – check your spelling and grammar! It’s so easy to tear off a comment to Face Book without checking.

You can find us on Face Book by searching for BigBuddy. We will be there with pictures, videos, regular stories and mini moments of joy. We have also stretched out into blogging – I have my own blog – www.richardaston.co.nz and the Big Buddy blog can be found from our web site, at the bottom of the home page along with the Face Book link.

Back in an ‘old school’ medium, we are trying out ‘the wireless’ with radio ads running on all the major stations in Wellington and a couple of stations in Auckland. Our ads are kind of quirky and are getting a lot of interest. They were created by Sarah Waters from the ‘The Pond’ creative group and recorded by Ben Sinclair of ‘Images and Sounds’. They did it all pro-bono and we are grateful for their generous support. Sarah entered the ads in the Radio Ad Awards for April so here’s hoping.

We will also be doing some work on our web site to allow us to keep it fresh and add video etc to it. The updated site is not live yet but hopefully by June it will be – so watch out for it.

On another front, I am developing a business idea that has the potential to create an alternative income stream for Big Buddy. It’s based on our well honed skills in screening men. We are looking to offer a professional screening service to the likes of CYFs, Schools, Early Childhood Centers etc to help ease their fears about employing men to care for young children. Its early days yet but with financial help from our friends at the Tindall Foundation we are doing a feasibility study to fully scope it out.  I will update you in our next newsletter.

Thinking about funding, I’d like to acknowledge the work done for us by Jude Gillies, our funding person. Tony is still doing funding work but the job has got much bigger so Jude has been working part time to help out. She has a long history in not-for-profits, is very skilled and works at a sometimes frantic pace. I like working with Jude and she likes working with us.

While all this goes on we are of course still meeting lots of good men wanting to volunteer their time as mentors and many wonderful boys and their mums and caregivers who approach us for help. That’s the great thing about my job, one minute I’m being interviewed for the NZ Herald or working on business ideas, the next I get a call like this one – from a young woman who told me that before her two younger stepbrothers had Big Buddies, life for her was a nightmare. They were really difficult boys to live with and there was lots of tension in the family. With the Big Buddies now on the scene, it’s all changed. Family life is much happier and peaceful. I could hear she was close to tears when she said, “…for what you have done for my brothers and my family I want to thank Big Buddy from the bottom of my heart“.

Now that’s a great way to start Autumn!

Go well friend.

 

Big Buddy News Summer 2010 Editorial

I write this embraced by the longed for warmth of the summer sun – what a great summer it’s been so far – I don’t want it to end.

Big Buddy starts this year with different approach to most years – it is a year of consolidation for us – the wild storms of last year’s recession have battered the sails and rigging a little and I figure we need some time to get our waka strengthened for the years to come. This means we will not be opening up any more branches this year, staying steady with the organizational size we have got to, digging in a little to keep our foundations strong.

You’ll forgive me for mashing up my metaphors there but there is nothing worse than stretching one metaphor when two will do.

There is always a chance the grace of providence may choose to land on our boat in the form of a benefactor or as serious government funding. If that happens we, of course, are ready to pull in the main sheet and set sail again and full speed but I need to plan for what I can actually see in front of us – it is what it is. Fortunately we have many fine funders willing to support our work, as it is and we are grateful to have such good support.

At our current size we have plenty to keep us busy and engaged with our work in the world. Many fine men are still regularly stepping up to volunteer their time to mentor fatherless boys and many caregivers are still approaching us for help. We have a wonderful story in the North Shore times this month about a Big Buddy pair who get on wonderfully but I was especially touched by the mention of the boy’s grandmother who passed away three years ago, she asked as her dying wish that her daughter contact Big Buddy to seek a mentor for her grandson. She may be gone now but her wish has been fulfilled and we are much honored to be a small part in that. One of our Little Buddy mothers, Sarah Henderson, is now writing up our stories and that story was one of them. Sarah is a freelance writer – a very good one – and felt she wanted to give something back to Big Buddy and this is her way. Many thanks Sarah, your stories feed our souls so well and we hope they will be appreciated by many others. As Chief Executive I have to spend a fare amount of time and focus on money and the whole business of running an organization of this size which I am happy to do, but what really feeds my soul and motivates me to carry on (especially in the darker hours) is our stories – simple stories of caring, of hope, of the deep human need for relationship and the magic that comes when we connect with each other.

So this year our waka may be sheltering for a while in safe waters but the heart of our work is alive, thriving and continues to flourish – as it will do for years to come. To all the fine men who volunteer with us goes my deep respect. To the many fine men yet to come goes my warm brotherly welcome. To the caregivers with us goes my gratitude for their trust in us. To the many boys with us now and those yet to come goes my grandfatherly love.

Go well friend

 

Big Buddy News Spring 2009 editorial

I am so glad spring is gracing us with its tentative sun, its occasional warmth and the promise of growth. It’s been a hard winter for Big Buddy – surviving the cruel winds of the recession has been, well, a character building experience to say the least. We have pulled through however, thanks in no small part to our friends and now the future is looking brighter.

We lost significant funding due to the recession and a part of our response to this challenge was to launch our first ever public appeal for funds. We came up with a strong image linked to father’s day – ‘It’s Fatherless Day again’. We got this into newspapers – big thanks to David Kemeys Editor in Chief, Suburban Newspapers for the free advert spaces. On the web, thanks to the guys from M2 Mag.  I also emailed a small poster version out to you, our supporters and wow you did us proud. The poster popped up all over the place including John Key’s desk. You certainly got the message out there. The Heralds Simon Collins wrote a story on us that moved many people – thanks to Big Buddies Stephen & Grant, Little Buddies Matthew & Michael and their mum Janine for having the courage to share a little of their life in public and be part of this story. Hey we even got on the telly! Campbell Live on TV3 ran a story just before Fathers Day – featuring Big Buddy Alan Johnson & Little Buddy Nathan doing what they normally do – hanging out, doing stuff with Nathan’s mum, Nikki O’Regan commenting on what Big Buddy has meant for her. Thanks to Alan, Nathan and Nikki for showing people how simple and real Big Buddy is. I thanked the reporter, Richard Langston, for his sensitive work and he said “A pleasure Richard. I loved filming and telling that story – what a good man Allan Johnson is, and Nathan is thriving in his company – a joy to see”. Finally I need to get a plug in for my daughter Sia Aston who pitched the idea to John Campbell in the first place, thanks Sia.

Our creative friends at The Pond did a lot of work on the ad and the media side so our thanks goes out to members of The Pond collective – Clinton Ulyatt, Leighton Howl, Sue Worthington, Jonathan Blake, Richard McCoy, Donald Holder and Phil Parsonage. Many thanks to the photographer, Paul Jones, from matchphotographers.com, for his sensitive portrayal of a fatherless boy.

The appeal certainly got our name and our story out there; we have had a lot of very positive feedback from a big range of people. And yes we did receive donations and ongoing pledges of support that warmed our winter weary hearts very much, thank you.

Prior to this appeal our community of mentors and caregivers did their bit to help connect us to support from the wider community resulting in many offers of support – money, volunteering and resources. I found it surprisingly difficult to ask for, and receive, help but I was humbled by the generosity of so many people including a Little Buddy now giving us $5 per month. I talked before in this column about the value of caring that characterizes our humanness but to be on the receiving end of that caring was a deeply moving and a very human experience.

So, as spring opens our skies to more sun, our earth to warmth and growth I hope your life opens to the great possibilities – to give, to receive, to be human. It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

Go well friend